"I think I'd rather not know I'm adopted, but it has helped explain some things – for example, why I sometimes felt as a child that I wasn't quite the same as the other children in the family. During our adoptive family training sessions, I tell prospective adoptive families that children who were adopted as infants should not remember the day he was told he was adopted. Most children, once they learn that they were adopted; they tend to feel unwanted. Pros: * honesty- you are avoiding what can be a major land mine in your relationship in the future, and telegraphing to the child that they can trust you to be honest. This approach provides the child an early opportunity to accept and integrate the concept of being "adopted." A second basic reason parents should tell their children that they were adopted is that, sooner or later, someone will tell them. Other experts believe that telling a child too early may confuse the young child who can't really understand the information. Knowing who gave birth to you doesn’t tell you who you are. What happens as kids get older because they're developmentally stuck due to the trauma they are 15 and they're telling five-year-old lies. I guess that’s a question that can only be answered by people in that situation. I was considering adopting a child when I get older, instead of having my own kids. There are two different views on when a child should be told they are adopted. Telling your child that they are adopted can be challenging. Finally, we are in a digital era, starting with Rwanda’s Irembo platform which has all information and government services online. However, some child welfare experts believe that when children are placed for adoption before the age of two and are of the same race as the parents, there probably is little to be gained by telling them about their adoption until they are at least four or fiveyears old. For all purposes I would like to tell a child who their biological parents are, but let’s also consider how the child came to be adopted.How do you say, “Your uncle rapedyour mother” or “Your mother left you by the street”? Actually that is not strictly true she told my husband and he passed on her words. It is most important to make sure that your child knows they are adopted and that it is portrayed positively in your family, so your child feels secure. [CDATA[// >. As they grew they began to ask a few more questions. absolutely tell them. For many adopted children this is sad, sometimes very sad. I honestly think its like a child who is afraid of rejection. However, at some point adopted children need to be told about their origins, ideally even before middle childhood. But an adopted child will always feel like they come second. First of all, when an adult tells a child that they were adopted; the child will instantly get the message “we are not your parents.”. From the very first day you welcome your child into your lives, you can begin telling his or her adoption story. Many experts suggest that parents are better off telling their child they are adopted earlier rather than later. The first thing parents have to understand is that letting the child know that they were adopted doesn’t mean the love and affection they offer has to reduce or change from either side. Also, there is a chance they will hurt the child after explaining the circumstances that led to their adoption. You may also find it hard to accept that your son or daughter is not really your biological child, and so you avoid explaining the adoption to him or her only because it … It may not necessarily mean that the child now has the liberty to run around and do as he/she wishes, but it’s a statement that would greatly affect the child. It is their right to decide if, how, and when their child will know that they were adopted. Imagine how that would make the child feel or how they would react. It’s not a question of being honest but about being protective. Adoption was a wonderful choice, not a last resort. However, they can provide a safe place for their child to explore current feelings about adoption at various stages of life in order to help their child integrate the experience more fully. Nine and a half years ago our 20yo middle daughter, running with a carnival and submerged in a world of sex, drugs, and general irresponsibility, showed up on our doorstep with a sickly two-week-old baby. One they said they wanted me to have a "normal" childhood and not feel I had been abandoned by my mother and two since they each had kids from past marriages, but never one together (my amom miscarried my adad's child and never tried again) I was to be their child they had together and it was easier if they could pretend I had never belonged to someone else. 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